Follow by Email

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Adult children bulling their parents

There have been some horrible stories on the web and TV about children being bullied and the resulting effects of those actions. Well, it doesn’t matter if you are young or old bullying can affect anyone. You can always find someone who has been touched by cruelty.

This is not a blog looking for judgment or criticism, it’s for people that have been hurt, touched and harmed by their adult children’s abuse.

Unless you are the target (for whatever reason, gender, age, size, etc.), you can’t possibly understand what a scar on your soul it is to be ridiculed and bullied. We are all born with love in our hearts, but some people forget this and strike out at others because of their own unhappiness. When mom use to say, “It’s hard to hit a moving target” I use to look at her as if she were nuts that is until I had my daughter. Then you realize the target is you and when the hit comes it can last a lifetime. I found when there was a quiet time of no communication that melancholia would set in and I would start thinking of her when she was a child and innocent...then the hit, boom, the familiar hurt came back.

When I started to write this blog, my intention was to write about Adult children bullying their parents. However, overtime, thinking and writing I came to realize that I have been a target of bullies in one-way or another all my life and still am. Moms also use to say to me, “Honey, you must have fallen off the turnip truck”. She said that because I never thought bad about anyone and trusted everyone.

Whether you are young or old, if you are being bullied you must talk to someone about it. However, sometimes talking to your friends or family for a longtime with nothing changing, people get bored with you and don’t want to hear about it anymore. At times like this, you need to find someone with no attachment to you or your attacker.

After deciding to write this blog I realized I have been bumping against one bully after another all my life. Please don’t let this happen to you.

This is about 'Change'. Is it possible? How it happens? What’s next?

"Your life is what you think about yourself, not what others think of you".

While writing and re-reading this blog it has made me realize I have never stood my ground against problems, bullies and the like. This is something I still have to work on. You can call me crazy, but I still have hope that someday she will find happiness and peace. At least enough to perhaps not tell me she hates me.

Remember, a bully is an unhappy person looking for a victim to punish.

Don’t let them bully you, even if they’re family. Sometimes you just have to close the door. That is what I have forced myself to do. Yes, at times as I said before, I slip and feel love for her, but then the call or e-mail comes and I go back to this blog and realize I need to close the door once again for protection.

Please feel free to share your story and perhaps we can all offer insight to each other and bring a little peace into our lives.

17 comments:

  1. THANK YOU, from a mid-west mother. I CAN close the door .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope things have gotten better for you and this coming year will be better than ever. Just remember this is YOUR LIFE and don't let anyone ruin it for you. Peace and Lots of Love, friend.

      Delete
    2. I'm so BLESSED to come across this. Im a wife of 20 yrs and mom of 2 adult children ages 19 & 21. I'm at my wits end. My hubby has ALWAYS worked hard for our family and gone alot so it was our deal for me to stay home so I can be there for our kids. I was ALWAYS involved in school etc. Both of my kids talk to me like I'm garbage. Cussing and telling me how bad of a mom I am. I feel alone because my hubby will just tell me to ignore etc but he never jumps in to tell them I'm their mom and I should be respected. Don't get me wrong he's a wonderful dad & hubby just some flaws. My daughter has punched me a couple times and although I've closed that door I will NEVER forget. I'm always trying to be there when needed. Lately though my daughter lost her Best friend in a car accident and has acted out since. She tried to overdosed drank so much she was in the hospital and we've done what we could to help her. She's been attacking me alot lately because she will talk to me about things and although I feel I'm talking to her she says I'm always lecturing. I'm just lost and don't know where or what to do. It makes me sad because I've ALWAYS been close to them but now they're treating me bad and always telling me how awful I've been. Help

      Delete
    3. I'm so BLESSED to come across this. Im a wife of 20 yrs and mom of 2 adult children ages 19 & 21. I'm at my wits end. My hubby has ALWAYS worked hard for our family and gone alot so it was our deal for me to stay home so I can be there for our kids. I was ALWAYS involved in school etc. Both of my kids talk to me like I'm garbage. Cussing and telling me how bad of a mom I am. I feel alone because my hubby will just tell me to ignore etc but he never jumps in to tell them I'm their mom and I should be respected. Don't get me wrong he's a wonderful dad & hubby just some flaws. My daughter has punched me a couple times and although I've closed that door I will NEVER forget. I'm always trying to be there when needed. Lately though my daughter lost her Best friend in a car accident and has acted out since. She tried to overdosed drank so much she was in the hospital and we've done what we could to help her. She's been attacking me alot lately because she will talk to me about things and although I feel I'm talking to her she says I'm always lecturing. I'm just lost and don't know where or what to do. It makes me sad because I've ALWAYS been close to them but now they're treating me bad and always telling me how awful I've been. Help

      Delete
    4. Hello Kim, It is so hard to have children. When they are born we love them with a love only a mother can really understand. We take care of the, love them, nurture them and more then anything we want them to be (what is in our hearts) loving, caring and giving. When they don't act and grow the way we thought they would, it's shocking at first. Then unfortunately, like in my case, they become people you don't recognize. You still love them, but remember it's not all on you. They are a product of the media, their friends and society in general. We always have hope that they will change and in your case I pray they will snap out of it soon and realize what a wonderful, loving and caring mother you are. Thank GOD you have a husband to support you. After all, your children are becoming adults and in a life (they probably still don't understand what it means to be an adult).
      Yes, I agree you love them but won't forget this pain. You will or won't depending on how it escalates or doesn't. Just remember, it's not you. You supplied them with life and now it's time to let them know what that means. As you said, you will be there when they need you, but you are not a punching bag for them to lay their confusion and problems on. Once this all happens and we all learn to give, have empathy and understand the only person you can really help and LOVE is yourself.
      Joan

      Delete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. No one has the right to hurt another person. Whether it's physically, emotionally, psychically or even spiritually.
    We all have the right to have love in our life and if there is anything but love it doesn't belong.
    Remember we are all connected and when one person is hurting, we all feel it.

    Health, Happiness, Hope and Love

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so right and if you share with other people your story, hopefully little by little we can all hold each other in peace and love and not hurt!

      Delete
  4. When I am pushed to the point of thinking I should take legal action...I stop because of my grandson? Or am I weak? The language and defiled name calling has become almost more than I can take anymore. And then he wants to tell me about his health problems. Ho could I have born such a monsterous child...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. Jolene, I understand completely how you feel and where you are with this situation. You are not weak, you are just a loving person in a tough situation. I have written about my grandson as well and how much I miss him. Unfortunately, every time I try to contact him my daughter blocks my call or emails me she can't wait until I leave this earth. I only tell you this because I hope you know it's not you. We all do the best we can with our children and how they age and become who they are is up to them. For me I always remember my daughter as a child. She isn't the child I remember due to whatever her life experiences have been, she is who she is now. Just like your son, he's not your little boy he is the man he is now and try not to judge him. Just acknowledge to yourself it's not you. Always keep one eye open to love and someday a different relationship, but know that we all have a path to take and his just isn't the one you hoped for. Love yourself and let go, your life is precious and make the best of it while you can. Don't let this situation take you over because then, "Who is the Winner?"

      Delete
  5. Thanks Joan. I have not heard from Grandson until last night. He said he loved me and missed me. I could hear his Dad, my son, in the background telling him to tell me the he will bring him to me soon. My grandson didn't say anything. I had just mentioned to him prior before my son said anything that maybe his step mom could bring him to see me. Anyway after my call with my Grandson, my son texted me berating me for even suggesting that someone other than he bring my Grandson to see me. That I was using my Grandson to hurt him. I stood strong. He has now put that poor child in the middle of this. I am going to have to get some kind of legal counsel I believe now. This man is not going to stop and I am not going to change my number. The whole thing is sick and destructive. My concern is for my grandson now. I don't want him suggesting that my grandson call me when we can only take the conversation so far. This is part of his manipulation.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm a 65 yr old woman my daughter is 43 she is always putting me down talking to me like I'm a chield that needs to be corrected. My mind is sharp I work construction long hard hrs. She lives with my husband and I we have given her a place to live for two yrs and she is getting worse with the disrespect. What can I do?

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm a 65 yr old woman my daughter is 43 she is always putting me down talking to me like I'm a chield that needs to be corrected. My mind is sharp I work construction long hard hrs. She lives with my husband and I we have given her a place to live for two yrs and she is getting worse with the disrespect. What can I do?

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am a 64 widow and my daughter is a 35yr old single Mom. My husband died from complications of staph and bacteria in hospital after his heart pump was removed 2 years ago. Everything was willed to me. We were together 45 yrs. My point is that now my daughter wants to contest my will because she feels entitled to my husband's birthplace. She is mean and manipulative. She pushed my husband and I around physically one time and put a gun to her head as a threat. I made her leave my home 2 days after my husband died because of her cursing at me, throwing her phone at me and screaming in my face. I have tried to help her, but it is never enough. She is so grandiose with lies and posts horrible things about me to her friends and on Facebook. She uses my beautiful 21 month old grandson as a pawn. I used $20,000 of my life ins. Trying to get her out of a bad car deal that she made last year.She tried to dump it all in my lap anyway. I'm done. No more. I have a wonderful successful son who supports me along with his sweet wife and my 5 yr old grandson. That's where I will spend my time and take care of my other beautiful grandson any way I can. She can't keep me from him. I will be strong and move on because I love life and have great friends. Only post support please I've had plenty of the other

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am a 64 widow and my daughter is a 35yr old single Mom. My husband died from complications of staph and bacteria in hospital after his heart pump was removed 2 years ago. Everything was willed to me. We were together 45 yrs. My point is that now my daughter wants to contest my will because she feels entitled to my husband's birthplace. She is mean and manipulative. She pushed my husband and I around physically one time and put a gun to her head as a threat. I made her leave my home 2 days after my husband died because of her cursing at me, throwing her phone at me and screaming in my face. I have tried to help her, but it is never enough. She is so grandiose with lies and posts horrible things about me to her friends and on Facebook. She uses my beautiful 21 month old grandson as a pawn. I used $20,000 of my life ins. Trying to get her out of a bad car deal that she made last year.She tried to dump it all in my lap anyway. I'm done. No more. I have a wonderful successful son who supports me along with his sweet wife and my 5 yr old grandson. That's where I will spend my time and take care of my other beautiful grandson any way I can. She can't keep me from him. I will be strong and move on because I love life and have great friends. Only post support please I've had plenty of the other

    ReplyDelete